Robert Pattinson's quarantine cooking is hilarious

W42ST Daily 5/16/2020

I have found my spirit animal. His name is Robert Pattinson and he’s a FREAKING DISASTER in the kitchen.

In an interview with GQ last week (here’s the whole thing but, be forewarned and forearmed, it goes on FOR EVER and doesn’t get to the hilarious pasta thing until about two thirds of the way through), the actor attempted to make a heinous-sounding dish that included the following ingredients (available from any bodega, should you wish to recreate it in its entirety):

1 dust-covered box of cornflakes (“I went to the shop, and they didn’t sell breadcrumbs. I’m like, ‘Oh, fuck it! I’m just getting cornflakes. That’s basically the same shit.’ ”)

1 large novelty lighter (“I always liked the idea of doing a little flambé, like the brand name, with kind of burnt ends at the top.”)

9 packs of pre-sliced cheese (NINE!)

Sugar

Pasta

Sauce (“just any sauce.”)

I’ll save you the process, but it involves microwaved pasta and layers of cheese and sugar on a “pillow” of foil.

“Proudly he is walking back toward the counter that his phone is on,” writes the GQ journalist, “when, behind him, a lightning bolt erupts from the oven/microwave, and Pattinson ducks like someone outside has opened fire. He’s giggling and crouching as the oven throws off stray flickers of light and sound.”

Friends, I admire this bold attempt at quarantine cooking more than I can say. It makes me feel like Ina Garten. And, since this weekend would have been the bazillionth 9th Avenue International Food Festival (*pauses to shed a tear), it felt like a suitably cautionary tale.

For the benefit of those who are missing the annual shindig (and the sight of Phil and me at our table in front of the Film Center Building), we’re revisiting some of our favorite food content from our archives. There was that time we tried and tested food recipe kits, updated for 2020, and rated by cost, simplicity, taste, and health.

Then there was this, probably my favorite content of all time …

Eat safely. And, please, if you’re enjoying these emails, encourage a friend to be part of the W42ST conversation too. They can register on the big, yellow blob at the bottom. Thanks.

NEW YORK STORIES
What will happen to Broadway? Will going to a show ever be the same again? Well, probably not for a while. But Adam Rei Siegel, a theatrical producer, has looked at how other parts of the world are getting creative in the quest to bring us the theater fix we love, while still keeping everyone safe. Read the full story at w42st.com.

MORE #MASKIES
I’m loving your mask selfies. Keep them coming. There’s still time to be awarded with glory and honor. Post a pic on Instagram, with the hashtag #W42ST. The most creative, pimped-up face masks win.

THINGS TO DO
Do drag – digitally
This digital drag race convention is already underway, but there’s still some good stuff to come, including a jewelry design workshop, make up, and drag show. See the schedule here.

Sweat on Sunday
A free, online HIIT workout in both English and Hebrew, with guests coming at you live from Israel. It starts at 10am. Register here.

Watch the world’s greatest opera
From tomorrow, Vienna State Opera is opening its archives of world-class music and ballet, free of charge. See the program here.

Pass notes in class
In this piece for The Shed, artists Troy Anthony and Jerome Ellis perform a virtual music-ritual for mourning, communion, and healing. Going live tomorrow, it examines the racialized and gendered injustices exposed by the coronavirus, and celebrates the new habits, practices, and relationships that have been born. Watch here.

Spend a Night in November
Yes, I know it’s May (at least I think it is), but the Irish Arts Center is revisiting this story, two decades after its original stage debut, to look fresh at one man’s imperfect but exuberant awakening in 1990s Belfast. Check it out tomorrow here.

NAME GAME
We’re all having to get our fuzzy, quarantined heads around some new technology these days. And sometimes things go wrong. We leave the sound on our Zoom call while we crunch our way through a bag of chips. We have the camera firmly focused on our perky, braless torso instead of our face (you know who you are). An opportunity to show you my – ahem – Faces video again? Why not.

Anyway, today, I’d like to know your name, and what technical bloop have you made lately? I’ll go first. Hi everyone, my name’s Ruth, and, yeah – about yesterday’s email. So good I sent it twice? Or a technical hitch? You decide.

CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE