When we get through this … when the world is back on its axis, #wfh is back to being a euphemism for being hungover, and social distancing is what you do when someone farts in the elevator, Governor Andrew Mark Cuomo is going to get so laid.
There is literally no one in the State of New York right now who is hotter. Every day, at around 11am (give or take), as he begins his press briefings, the collective sigh is almost audible. Is there anyone, man or woman, who doesn’t have a suggestion about where he can put that safe pair of hands?
One of his speeches has been set to music. That’s how hot he is right now. (Appropriately, it’s house music.)
And when he bickers amiably with his brother – CNN anchor Chris Cuomo – on air, he only makes us love him more.
My girlfriends have a nickname for him, but I can’t tell you what it is – I’ve already had my wrists slapped for being too rude in this newsletter. Suffice to say, it rhymes with Pig Falls.
Chelsea Handler has tweeted about her love for the 56th governor.
Vogue has mused on what might be the cause of this attraction: “His soothing Queens accent, his stories about his dad Mario and his 88-year-old mother Matilda. And then there’s Andrew the dad, embarrassing his kids with stories of their upbringing after his divorce.”
“I feel comforted. I feel alive. I feel protected. I feel … butterflies,” swoons Rebecca Fishbein in Jezebel.
“Like a velveteen gravity blanket for my soul, the second I see this man’s perfectly weathered face and tousled curls, the moment his Pacino-like accent fills my living room with its mafia-like authority, my blood pressure drops, my breasts seem to perk up on their own, and a tingly feeling of optimism washes over my imprisoned body as I think to myself … I think we’re gonna be okay,” sighs comedian Michelle Collins.
Girls, get in line. Because the gays love him too.
When this is all over … when I remember what it feels like to wear a bra and to put on make-up and eat food that isn’t cereal … I might just set my Bumble boundaries to include Albany …
Andrew. Governor. Sir. How do you feel about feisty redheads?
NEW YORK STORIES
Two weeks ago, we were putting the finishing touches to the April issue of W42ST. The hotly anticipated result of our reader survey, the magazine was a celebration of the bars, restaurants, coffee shops, gyms, and retail stores that are the lifeblood of Hell’s Kitchen, and of the local heroes who are its beating heart. We couldn’t have been prouder.
Then the world changed.
We made the devastating decision not to go to print, and launched a daily newsletter to help connect a community for whom social isolation was the new normal. And now feels like a good time pay tribute to those people who are, like all of us, facing an uncertain future.
Every day over the next few weeks, there will be a new story online. You’ll be able read about people like Steve Olsen, owner of the West Bank Cafe, who has survived kidney failure, cancer, a crushed foot, and now Coronavirus, personally delivering meals to diehard customers. Shaun and Jason talk about the birth of Hold Fast – and how Broadway is in its bones. And Scott and Bruce, of 44&X, remember when even the homeless people on 10th Ave thought they were nuts to open a restaurant there.
But first this: a few weeks ago, Steve Kaufman, supervising pharmacist at Duane Reade on 9th Ave – 43rd/44th St, nominated his head pharmacy clerk, Enza Santoro, for our Hell’s Hero award. Now they’re both on the front line, providing vital meds and managing the rising panic with calm and professionalism, while putting themselves at risk. Read their story here.
HOW CAN I HELP?
Many of you have asked what you can do to get involved. Here are some ideas:
1. Tell us your self-isolation survival hacks. And send us photographs (or videos) of how you’re making the most of your days.
2. Talk to us. Say thank you. Say hi. Say you haven’t showered or worn pants in a week. We want to hear from you – we’re feeling isolated too.
3. Encourage five of your friends to sign up to this newsletter – those numbers will make a huge difference to our business (and our egos).
Thank you! Hell’s Kitchen, we love you.
OVERHEARD IN THE ZOOM ROOM
“I keep wishing I had a boyfriend right now. Then I think of all my exes and think, ‘I’m good, thanks.’”
DON’T CLIMB THE WALLS – DO THESE THINGS INSTEAD
The New Victory Theater’s Arts Break continues with puppetry week – with a healthy dose of empathy. Find out more.
Play air guitar from your sofa
Every week Metallica Mondays will see the band streaming a full live show from their past. Rock on!
Get classics in your kitchen
Rolling Stone magazine is recruiting music stars to perform intimate performances from their home every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 3pm. So far, they’ve had Graham Nash, Brian Wilson, and Angelique Kidjo.
Cook with Queer Eye
Antoni Porowski has been cooking up a storm on IG recently, with his “Quar Eye” series of recipes. On the menu: turkey meatballs with dates (when you’ve lost track of the date), chicken parmageddon, and stripped of my sanity chicken strips. Get cooking here.
See Ailey for free
Tune in today at 3pm to learn excerpts of the choreography for the Alvin Ailey dance Revelations, then see the whole thing at 7pm. Find out more.
Hear from Broadway BFFs
It’s at times like these that our friendships come into sharp focus. Tonight, Mrs Doubtfire’s Jenn Gambatese and her bestie, Waitress’s Shoshana Bean, are in conversation (with a link to donate to The Actors Fund). Find out more.
Cut your roomie’s hair
With all the hair salons and barber shops closed, it was only a matter of time. Mean Girls star Kate Rockwell ordered a set of clippers from Amazon and set about her partner’s locks this week – it’s edge-of-the-seat viewing, friends. But for my neighbors, it’s just business as usual when you have a Marine for a hubby.
What’s your name, and what’s your go-to quarantine recipe?
I’ll go first. Hey, everyone, I’m Ruth, and I’ve been making Netflix and chili. How about you?
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